well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
