Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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