I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
