I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
