Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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