he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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