Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize