I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
