She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
