Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize