She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
