i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
