Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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