I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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