..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
