Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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