Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
