Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
