Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
