i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
