I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
