I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I puked a lego.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
