My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
