The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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