Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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