with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
