The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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