the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
