oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
