That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
