Whod you bang
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
