I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
