i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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