I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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