I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
