the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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