More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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