i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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