just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
