My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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