That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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