Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
please come you make the beer taste better
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
