Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
