don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
