Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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