As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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