alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am one with the molecules
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
