i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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