Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
