My nipple is on Facebook.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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