At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
