I didn't shave. On purpose
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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