I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize