were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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