did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
