Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
