Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
