The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
