Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
