So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
