Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think people are normalizing furries
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
