Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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