I need to stop coming to work sober
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
