okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
