he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
