i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You can't motorboat a personality
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
