i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize