Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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