I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
