i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
