Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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