It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
