Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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