i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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