planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
