We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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