East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
