Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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