every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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