cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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