Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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